Let me start by making it perfectly clear that I love
today’s technology as much as the next person. Whether it is the iPod, iPhone, iMac, iPad or whatever your
preferred device may be, most of us probably aren’t “unplugged” for long during
the day.
I appreciate how these devices allow us to connect with friends and family, bank
accounts, tv shows and movies and of course the talents of our favorite
musicians. However, I’ve noticed
over the years how easy it is to fall prey to our wi-fi world.
How often do you notice a group of people, each on their
phone connecting with others outside
of their assembled group? Last
spring, I recall playfully confronting a table full of students during lunch
when I noticed that each of the 8 students was engaged on their phones and not
conversing with one another at all.
I’m not suggesting a need to give up today’s technology
altogether, but rather to recognize how it can impact our ability to connect
with one another in a face-to-face, more personal manner.
I believe these efforts should be intentional; in other
words, find what works for you and make a concerted effort to connect more with the people in your
presence. Maybe it means trying to
go a few days without facebook or a week without tv or something of the sort.
Personally, I enjoy hiking, camping, and backpacking in
areas that do not receive cellular service as a way to connect; not only with
those joining me but also with nature. I’ve also learned that connecting doesn’t require me to even
leave my own home. For example, my
family and I enjoy playing card games and board games. It affords us time together and
promotes light-hearted conversation.
This summer as I walked our dog around various campgrounds I
was encouraged as I saw countless families and groups of friends sitting around
campfires sharing laughs. What a
simple way to connect with others.
As a high school counselor, I recognize that it’s not always
easy to find the time for teenagers and their parents / guardians to connect. Or maybe I
should say, it’s not always easy for parents / guardians to find willing participants when
trying to recruit their teen sons and daughters for good old-fashioned family
fun. Not to mention, once the
school year begins and everyone gets busy with homework, extra-curricular activities
and work commitments it can be difficult to carve out time together even if
there is a desire to spend time connecting.
If there’s not a willingness on behalf of the teen(s) to
spend more time together, I would suggest to parents / guardians that finding a resource
such as “How to talk so your kids will listen and how to listen so your kids
will talk” may help to offer some simple ways to help their teen(s) to open
up. The following link offers a
summary of the book’s content for those who are interested:
http://www.parentbooksummaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/02-How-to-Talk-so-Kids-Will-Listen.pdf
While it may sound too simplistic, our family has found
success over the years by requesting our children to spend time with each
parent once per month engaged in an activity. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant, maybe a drive to
get an ice-cream cone, a bike ride, a game of horse, or whatever might be
mutually enjoyable for you and your child.
Additionally, if teens are reading this and looking for an
out of the box idea and are up for a challenge I’ll offer an idea I heard
recently from our college age son.
He told of a recent gathering with friends in which they collected
everyone’s phones at the beginning of the night and simply hung out at
someone’s home and listened to music and talked to each other for a couple
hours. When I asked how it went,
he simply said, “It was fun to not have anyone distracted by their phone”. Willing to try it yourself for a
night? Or maybe even for an hour?
Lastly, on the topic of connecting I think it’s important to
bring up the importance of school connectedness. It relates to the notion that as educators, we work hard to
ensure that our students 1) Enjoy coming to school 2) Have positive
relationships with teachers and other adults at school 3) Are proud to be at
our school and 4) Feel like they belong at the school. Multiple research studies show that
students who experience school connectedness achieve higher grades and higher
graduation rates.
In summary, I strongly believe that it is imperative for our
students to feel connected to their peers, their parents / guardians, and school. And if that means taking a break
occasionally from our increasingly connected world to re-connect with one
another it is most certainly worth it!
